Fearing the Task

Support raising has definitely been a greater challenge for me this year. I'll give you a list of reasons why it's so much harder to support raise this year: There's the recession! It's made it a little difficult for people to donate. There's the larger amount that we have to raise this year compared to last (an almost $6000 difference), there's the short amount of time we have to raise the funds (less than two months), there are so many things to do outside of support raising that it almost seems implausible to get this done in the time frame we have set, we're in summer time and everyone is out of the country, and there is the enemy too, who is at work himself to oppose what we're doing. I admit, at times I've looked at these challenges and quivered and I worry about these things from the very moment I wake up in the morning and start out my day. Have you ever gotten that feeling? You're faced with a challenge in a season of your life, but you wake up in the morning with worry or sadness and you'd rather just go back to sleep to get your mind off things. It's not a good feeling and technically you shouldn't have feelings of worry, sadness or fear like that, but I can't lie to you, I've had those types of feelings more often than I'd like to admit.

The other day, I was talking to a good friend. We were just catching up and talking about life. As we conversed, she spoke so positively about what she would be doing in the future and she would tell me about this and that and how great this and that was going to be and how God was providing for her in amazing ways. As she was talking, I felt a strange bitterness. All I had on my mind were the problems that I mentioned above and I just felt like telling her; hey can we change the subject. When we finally did change the subject, I was relieved, but we soon hung up. As I put the phone down and lay in my little Ikea twin sized navy blue bed, I started to feel convicted about my attitude. I knew these feelings weren't right and I knew that they definitely weren't from God. I stared at my ceiling and asked myself; why am I having these negative thoughts? I could feel something wasn't right, so I closed my eyes and prayed.

Have you ever heard that analogy about problems in life and riding a bike for the first time? You know how it goes. When you're learning to ride, you keep your eyes and attention focused on where you want to go and not on where you don't want to end up. Have any of you ever crashed into a garbage can because you focused on the garbage can instead of the road. Then you look back and you think; how could I have been so clumsy, it was so simple. Yup, it happened to me when I was five, and now it's happened to me again at twenty three as you've probably figured by now. I'm faced with a challenge right now, but I focused on "my problems" instead of the goal. So as I lay on my bed praying, I began to think, why am I thinking like such a dummy? Why am I focusing on the recession, the summer time, the amount of money and everything else that is bothering me. This ain't good Juan, these ain't things to focus on.
I figured, why not focus on God. Focus on the mission and the people that are in desperate need of a loving God. There are people out there that need you to focus your attention on them, instead of harmless garbage cans labeled "Recession".

I've come to realize that there is nothing to fear. God doesn't want us to live in fear because he's in control and there is nothing to fear, not even death. Now I do realize that it's hard not to fear. It's hard because a lot of the time, we don't even realize fear, it's just some reaction to our surroundings. But fear doesn't always have to be our reaction. Instead, we can choose to love, as God commanded us to love. I know a lot of people say that the opposite of love is apathy, but I'm not sure that's all true. I think fear can be. I'm not talking about "the fear of the Lord" but I'm talking about the fear that causes us humans to act in obscene ways. If you give it some thought, it might make sense to you. Just to give you a simple example; people kill because they fear, not just because they hate. Lots of times fear causes us to hate. Why do gay people get beat up? It's because there is something called homophobia that many people, but not all, experience to some degree, and unfortunatley many Christians do too. Now before I get off topic, I just want to challenge you to think about this. Are you ever living in fear? I admit I have. I've feared that I won't be able to raise funds to do ministry in Panama and it's made me react in negative ways. But I realize that number one: God hasn't created me to live in fear. Number two: There is nothing to fear. Take a look at the bible and I'm sure that it will tell you the same thing. Now to tell you the truth, I'm still struggling with this, but we Christians have a powerful weapon called prayer. I'm going to use it :)